Bobby: You're Crowley.
Crowley: In the flesh... of a moderately-successful literary agent from New York.
"So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough."
Dean: What happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?
Crowley: Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS!
"Fancy a fag and a chat?"
"Nothing's changed.I still want the devil dead.. Well, one thing's changed, now the devil knows that I want him dead, which, by the way, makes me the most buggered son in all of creation."
"They burnt down my house. THEY ATE MY TAILOR!"
"Two months, under a rock, like a bloody salamander! Every demon on hell and earth's got his eyes out for me! And yet here I am, last place I should be, in the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin' spotlight!"
Brady: What did you do?
Crowley: Went over to a demon's nest, had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though. Let one of the little toads live. Oops! Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are...wait for it... Lovers in League Against Satan....... Hello, darling.
***
Bobby: Word on the street is that ever since Lucifer went to the pokey, you’re the Big Kahuna downstairs.
Crowley: I see you’ve been reading the trades.
Bobby: Trouble in paradise?
Crowley: Mate. You have no idea. I thought when I got the corner office, it was all going to be rainbows and two-headed puppies. But if I'm being honest, it's been hell... You know what the problem with demons is?
Bobby: They're demons?
Crowley: Exactly. Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of them. They're stupid. You try to show them a new way, a better way, and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there's days that I think Lucifer's whole "spike anything with black eyes" plan wasn't half bad. Hpph. Feels good to get it off my chest. We should make this a thing.
***
Dean: Did you really used to wear a skirt?
Crowley: A kilt. I had very athletic calves.
***
Sam: Dean. He's a dick, but a deal's a deal.
Crowley: I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
***
Sam: Are you freakin' nuts?
Dean: Shut up for a second, Sam!
Crowley: SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YOU!
***
***
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